I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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