we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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