What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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