I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
