One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
