it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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