i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
