I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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