IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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