I wish I could teleport
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
