i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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