i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
