sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
