This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Your cock deserves a montage
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
