I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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