dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
