quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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