I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
