Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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