I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
