I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
