I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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