The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
