no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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