I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
