Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
