No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
