So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
