MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
