He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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