Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
