My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
