I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
