so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
