roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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