also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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