That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
