imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
