Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
