I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
