no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
not ubering you a puppy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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