i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
