Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
