Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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