genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
