at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
