I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
