Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
