just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
