like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
