im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
