Got a toothbrush?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
